Dear Friend

Enduring the internal struggle,
Intangible Unrelenting Ongoing,
Benchmark reward recognition,

Nothing more then words,
Nothing more then satisfaction,
Dear friend thank you for your support.

Life & Death

====================================

I may have a disease
but I'm not any different
I feel on fire
I can do what anyone can do
and I can't do anything
I don't have a chance
My blood is different
I'm supposed to be different.

Frankie Keller
9 years old

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When AIDS dies
light will show
people will rise
life will shine
again
and the dark will go
into a deep hole
AIDS will die with
the black darkness
of death.

Sam Wiehoff
9 years old

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I don't mean to hurt,
Please come ride the roller coaster
with me.
Be my companion,
live hand in hand with
the disease.
I need to find it --
Find the one
The help
The cure.

Sophie Holman
11 years old

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The Nature of Things -->

Even with good intentions you can not intervene in the natural way someone exists.

To elaborate: Invariably you will meet a person that goes about certain situations in a way that YOU feel are destructive. In these instances and especially when you love that person you try to intervene, well i know i do. I have to learn to work with a person. I can’t force change nor should I assume that a particular behavior is destructive. Also i must keep in mind that each person learns on there own terms and works on things through out there whole live’s. You cannot take on the responsibility of trying to solve, what YOU believe to be, problems without them having an already present willingness to do so or awareness of a problem in the first place. On most parts i belive we can only be guided in the direction that we are already traveling. Yes there are external influences but we choose what we want or don’t want to influence us.

So now what? Well as hard as it is for me i think i should let things exists as they are. Enjoy what you love about a person. Bring out those qualities. If you see a persisting action or behavior that you feel is not beneficial for your loved one then you can address it. They key is not to directly address them. Do it so they can come to understand it on there own terms. If they don’t, reevaluate the situation. Perhaps in the process of trying to show them you learn that you are in fact wrong. Which ever way it turns out it is important to enjoy what is good and develop that. Then the negative things will be dealt with natural. No point in trying to solve too much to fast. Even IF you are right about the situation it wont necessarily resolve anything. This is what I think today.

.::. Wight Water .::.

Crazy so many truths and we can believe them all. I’m not sure about whether i like being so subjected to the weather. It makes me feel a little out of control. Then there is the overseer the voice that is still and devoid from all these rapids of good and bad. I am in the still waters at the moment. Peace

Sometimes befor you smile you gota cry

I have lost all ambition for life. Everything is so dull and boring. Nothing moves me. I am climbing the roughest walls. I have no substantial reason for me to be like this. Sometimes before we smile we gota cry.

Two stones cast on the same tree

It’s been two weeks and I have been ridden with strong feelings of anxiety.

In theory and without actuality this is my problem:
I have this way of seeing people and there interactions. I am extremely mistrusting of general integrity or some cases distaste toward “immoral” behavior. The strang thing is that I know these “immoral” behaviors are completely natural and normal. The dislike toward it seems to be innately ingrained in my world view. So my goal is accept what I already come to accept intellectually. My emotions still wreak havoc. Yes there are some other factors tied in there but 50% of my stress comes from the bizarre emotional immaturity toward people and there shared needs.

I really don’t know where it came from but it feels like it’s always been there. It seems to have exploded to the surface in the past two weeks. The anxiety grips my body like coarse sandpaper run forcefully over soft skin. The anxiety feels like it is the resistance to this change.

.::. Deviation From The Mean .::.